There I have said it. I have confessed what I feel Sundays should be. Going to church on Sundays can be at best tedious, and at worse, a waste of three hours of precious weekend time. Whoops, you didn’t hear that from me. But I am writing this on a Sunday morning, and I am definitely not at church. I do feel bad each time I skip church, considering I will always make time to attend to my hobbies or various non-church activities.
When I do go to church, I spend a lot of my time avoiding fellow church members, mostly out of guilt. You see, I used to serve on my church’s ushering and welcome team many years ago. But I stopped when I moved out of Auckland for work, and when I did move back to Auckland, I didn’t resume my volunteer service. I had also by that stage, found different avenues to serve God, mainly through my writing. Also, I am exhausted by the time the weekend rolls around, mostly due to my two-hour return journey to work and back. However, to avoid awkward questions as to why I’m no longer serving in church, I decided it would be best to ignore the people at church. I would sit right at the back of the church, making it easier for me to slip out the moment service is over.
Lately, I feel like I haven’t been doing my writing service very well either. For instance, I am writing this at the very last minute, and for the past few months, my articles were old ones republished. When I think about where all my time has gone, the majority of it to work and the long commute home, swimming (and time spent will only increase if I eventually qualify as a lifeguard), and having to do dinners in the evenings. In all honesty, I am exhausted by the time I have finished work. By the time I get home from swimming, it’s usually 8pm. Throw doing dinner in the mix and cleaning-up after, it’s almost bedtime.
My time with God is also questionable. When lying in bed, I am scrolling social media instead of reading the Bible. When I do read the Bible, my eyes are so heavy with sleep, I find myself unable to register the passages. Communications with God are harried, “Dear God, how are you? Thank you for everything.” I can’t remember when was the last time I had a good, long conversation with God. But I can remember the last time I chose to read a novel instead of the Bible.
With all this going on, I find it incredibly hard to be a pin-up Christian. I am probably the most negligent Christian. But I take comfort in knowing that there is no condemnation in Christ, and I don’t have to feel guilty in approaching God because I haven’t been serving in church or because my monthly writings aren’t up to scratch.
I am only a fallible human trying to be perfect, but I don’t think perfection can be reached on this side of earth. It’s something I’m working on, but I am also aware I mustn’t let God slip completely from my radar because there is nothing worse than waking up and realising how far away I have fallen from Him.
Michele Ong's previous articles may be viewed at http://www.pressserviceinternational.org/michele-ong.html