‘Is it tiring to be a Christian?” You may have been asked this before - by someone, or simply by yourself. It’s a tough question. It’s tough because the answer is uncertain yet right in front of us at the same time.
Essentially, what I’ve gathered is that the bible makes it appear easy yet extremely challenging. Or rather, simple, but not easy. It’s not easy because we are called to apply concepts, thinking and ways of living in a world where it feels as though everything it takes to be a Christian makes us more and more counter cultural.
So, why do we not want to be counter cultural? Because culture matters to us. It shouldn’t, but it does. We know Jesus, we know God, we have His love - there really isn’t more that we should want. But we do. We do want more.
Sometimes, just sometimes, we do want to fit in with other crowds and to conform to society’s expectations. And so while we want these things, we are distracted by the mission we are called to do. To share God.
Yet, because of what we know and who we love, it can often feel like the greatest mission in the world, because we truly want to share it all with other people. We desire to do this. But fitting in, not bothering someone with that talk about Jesus and not getting rejected with an invite to Church is a desire for us too.
So, the battle between these desires is tiring. Well, for me at least, I can’t speak for you.
Some days I feel like I’m waking up and constantly having to complete an assignment that God has assigned to me, which is tiring because I don’t know what I have to do. Or, rather, I know what I have to do but I don’t know how I can do it. I don’t know how to get the work I’ve done checked off.
I don’t know what grade I’m currently working at. I don’t know if God is crediting the times I mention Him to someone else and failing me for the times I don’t. I don’t know what crosses the line between being selfish or being selfless.
Ultimately, I just don’t know. I feel like I don’t have the answer, and I understand I’m not meant to have the answer, it's just that I would like to. What I’m slowly learning is that knowing all the answers is just not possible, especially as a Christian, and I need to accept that.
But sometimes all I want is for my phone to buzz and for me to see a text from Jesus. I want to see a text from Him saying it’s all okay and that I’m doing a good job. I think about this often, as I walk to work or when I’m sitting around at home.
“What if He just texted me? What if I could just communicate with Him right now? This very moment.” And then, of course, by the Holy Spirit I am reminded that the truth is we don’t need a text from Jesus, because we have communication with him that’s way ahead of any other iPhone.
This is the truth and there are many other truths I should focus on in regards to this discussion. It’s just that I’m tired from the unknown and the uncertainty, and maybe you are too. Honestly, I thought that throughout the process of writing this piece I would have some kind of revelation - but I didn’t.
However, I do see a bit clearer, I understand a little more and I’ve realised two things. Firstly, I need to keep persisting, learning and growing as a Christian, particularly in this department. And secondly, I recognise the answer to my original question, and it comes with a follow up.
So, is it tiring to be a Christian? I believe the answer is, yes, it can be. But what matters more is the follow up. Is it worth it? Yes, it is.